


Records of the Most Wise and Sagacious Jedi Council

by Ravenclaw_Peredhel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: According to Depa Anyway, As Long As They're Not Sith, Crack, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Crack, For research and the preservation of the ways of the Jedi of course, Gen, He Is The Only Adult Here, If You Can't Beat Em Join Em, Jedi Council are Little Shits (except those weirdos who are actual adults), Jedi as Found Family (Star Wars), Luke and Leia connect with their family through the wonders of modern technology, Mace Windu is So Done, No Depa, Not the Naberrie side, Or the Skywalker-Lars side, Plo Koon Adopts Everyone, The Jedi side, Troll Yoda (Star Wars), Warning: videos are not in order bc they got jumbled up during the last 20-40ish years, Yaddle and Ki-Adi-Mundi are recording EVERYTHING, Yoda Trolls Everyone, Yoda's Disaster Lineage (Star Wars), not for blackmail at all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:48:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29340819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenclaw_Peredhel/pseuds/Ravenclaw_Peredhel
Summary: In which Yoda is a troll, Plo Koon has a major problem that involves adopting any vaguely lonely looking sentient, Mace Windu is the only adult on the council and Yaddle and Ki-Adi-Mundi record everything.Not for blackmail, for research and the preservation of knowledge. Blackmail is just a bonus.Depa gets dragged into their shit and cannot care at all.The rest of the Jedi Council is involved. A little. As very wise and responsible adults. Yep, very wise. Very responsible. The most wise and responsible Jedi ever.
Relationships: Ahsoka Tano & Yoda, Anakin Skywalker & Yoda, Dooku & Yoda (Star Wars), Kit Fisto & Ki-Adi-Mundi, Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Plo Koon & Yoda, Qui-Gon Jinn & Yoda, Yaddle & Yoda (Star Wars), Yoda & Jedi Character(s), Yoda & Jedi Children
Comments: 28
Kudos: 166





	1. SAND GETS EVERYWHERE (Yes, it has to be in capitals)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [azulights](https://archiveofourown.org/users/azulights/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Video Diaries of a Togruta Padawan](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29194179) by [superpineappleenthusiast](https://archiveofourown.org/users/superpineappleenthusiast/pseuds/superpineappleenthusiast). 



Luke Skywalker has loved Tatooine as long as he can remember. Unfortunately, his newly discovered twin does not share his adoration for the planet. Something about sand getting everywhere and the 'scum of the galaxy' the inhabit it's cities. He doesn't get it, it's Tatooine how can she not love it?

But she promised to come with him when he collected his stuff from his old home (in four years the Empire hasn't been quiet enough to risk coming back but it's gone now so they will be fine) and so she has to keep going. 

Anyway, maybe they'll find something interesting. 

He swallows as they crest the last dune before his childhood home. Owen and Beru's bodies are no longer there, but other than that, the moisture farm seems exactly the same as the last time he saw it. "You grew up here?" He can hear the barely hidden incredulity in Leia's voice. 

"Yeah. You should have met Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru, they would have loved you so much." Leia cocks her head and smiles a little grimly. 

"Well, they're gone now, so no use fretting over spilled milk. Come on, let's get this over with." 

****************

They don't find much - machinery, clothes, money, Aunt Beru's little pieces of jewellry, Luke's old spaceship models, all things that could be taken by scavengers and have been. Thankfully, Luke remembers the little stash of treasures hidden beneath a false board under his uncle and aunt's bed. Within is very little - keys to a long gone speeder, a marriage certificate, Luke's first drawings and tiny little droids. An out of place box, smooth and finely made of dark wood with a starbird on the lid and the words High Council carved into the surface beneath the stylised sigil. "Isn't that the symbol of the Rebellion?" 

Leia nods slowly. "Yes, but my fa-" She stops at Luke's stricken look and rolls her eyes. "Fine, _Bail_ ," Luke knows that he should let her come to terms with their parentage in their own time, but he can't help but think she is consciously doing her best to _not_ come to terms with it. He just cannot understand it at all. "Once told me it used to be the symbol of the Jedi Order." 

"So...this box was the Jedi High Council." Leia shrugs. 

"I guess. May as well bring it with us. The sand gets everywhere here."

Luke rolls his eyes, but agreeably follows his sister to their ship, a mile or so away. He cannot wait to see what lies inside this box.

**************

"Nothing. A box of nothing. Not lightsabers, or any kind of weapon. Just an empty box." Leia groans in frustration and turns to go do something weird and diplomaticy

"Wait." Luke has spotted something. He pulls on it, and a slat of wood comes up.

"And now you broke it. Well done Luke."

"No." He has learnt to ignore his sister's acid tongue long before he knew she was his sister. "It's a false bottom." Now she's interested. 

"Data chips. And a letter." An envelope, addressed in a firm flowing hand to _Luke and Leia Skywalker_

All Luke can say is, thank the Force for Leia. Within twenty minutes she has a room set aside for just them, with a holoprojector for the chips. "Go on, open the letter already Luke." 

He slits open the envelope and unfolds the flimsy with slightly shaking hands. 

_Luke Skywalker,_

_Before you read this, if you are alone, I need you to go to Alderaan and get an audience with the Queen Breha Organa. Don't worry, just tell whoever asks that Senator P. Naberrie's son is waiting. DO NOT READ THIS LETTER WITHOUT LEIA ORGANA_

_~~Dear Luke and Leia,~~ _

_~~Luke and Leia,~~ _

_~~Skywalkers~~ _

_~~Skywalker and Organa~~ _

_To Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa_

_My name, as you may know, is Obi-Wan Kenobi. Once, I was a Jedi Master, the Negotiator, a General of the GAR. Now I am Old Ben, the mad hermit in the desert. Set to watch over the son of my greatest friend and my worst enemy._

_If all has gone well, you two already know everything, and Sidious is defeated and everything is sunshine and rainbows. But, I heavily doubt that. As this is probably not the case, ~~damn Skywalker genes,~~ this is a list of what you need to know:_

_\- Your parents were two of my best friends_

_\- They were sickeningly in love_

~~_\- I miss them every day_ ~~

~~_\- It's my fault you have no parents_ ~~

_~~\- I am so sorry~~ _

_\- They loved you two more than almost anything in the world_

_\- Your father was Anakin Skywalker, ~~my Padawan,~~ the Hero With No Fear, Jedi Knight, ~~my best friend~~_

_\- Your mother was Padmé Amidala Naberrie, ex-Queen of Naboo, Senator of Naboo, ~~a deadly shot, a true and brave friend~~_

_\- With who your father is, you will both most likely be extremely powerful in the Force_

~~_-PAYBACK ANAKIN_ ~~

~~_\- Oh wait that was Ashoka_ ~~

~~_\- DOUBLE PAYBACK ANAKIN_ ~~

_\- Master Yoda lives on Dagobah and can train you in the Force_

_\- It's a swamp planet, be warned_

~~_\- It's quite possibly the worst place in the galaxy_ ~~

~~_\- Why does he like it there_ ~~

~~_\- It's probably the unlimited supply of frogs_ ~~

~~_\- Never sit next to him at mealtimes_ ~~

_\- If you want to butter him up, give him a few frogs_

~~_-Why am I being so snarky, I've just lost my whole family and the 212th but I'm being sarcastic what in the galaxy is wrong with me, I really am insane aren't I_~~

_\- Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker_

_\- Darth Vader is your father_

~~_\- It's my fault_ ~~ ~~~~

~~_\- I cut your father's limbs off and left him to burn on Mustafar_ ~~

~~_\- He killed every child in the Jedi temple_ ~~

_~~\- He killed all the Younglings~~ _

~~_\- ANAKIN KILLED Alll THE YOUNGLINGS_ ~~

~~_\- HOW COULD HE DO THAT_ ~~

~~_\- He was going to be a father, how could he kill the younglings_ ~~

~~_\- This is all my fault_ ~~

~~_\- I am so sorry_ ~~

~~_\- I should never have been arrogant enough to take him as my Padawan_ ~~

_\- Never let him find out_

_\- You have family on your mother's side - the Naberries on Naboo._

_\- I don't know how many are alive._

_\- Some Jedi may still be alive when you read this._

_\- Yoda is on Dagobah, I am on Tatooine, Caleb Dune and Ashoka are wandering the galaxy_

~~_\- I can't feel anyone else_ ~~

~~_\- Does that mean everyone else is dead_ ~~

~~_\- Is everyone I loved dead_ ~~

_\- Do not go anywhere near the Emperor if you want to live_

_\- The Dark Side will consume you if it is given a chance_

_In another life, I might have been your uncle or your grandfather. Well, Grandmaster. This is all I can give you. I am so sorry ~~I should have been able to spoil you rotten like any other uncle or grandmaster this kriffing universe hates me~~_

_The data chips were given to me by Master Yoda shortly before I left for Tatooine with you Luke. I do not know what is on them, but be warned...Master Yoda can have a ~~traumatising~~ ~~terrifying~~ ~~horrible~~ ~~sadistic~~ odd sens of humour at times. Just be careful when you open it. _

~~_With all the love I can never give you, children of my Padawan_ ~~

_Yours faithfully,_

_~~Jedi Master~~ Obi-Wan Kenobi, ~~General of the 212th~~_

Luke exchanged a glance with Leia. He had experienced a bit of the sense of humour mentioned. Was it really wise to see whatever was on the data chips? 

"Don't be a wimp." Leia snatched a random chip up and jammed it into the player. "Honestly." She dimmed the lights, and the twins leaned comfortably back, just the two of them. Jedi business, they had told most people, but really, it was time for just them to get to know each other properly and spend time together - family time. If it came with the added bonus of (hopefully) learning more about the Jedi, well that was their business. 

The screen went blank, and loud music blasted out of the speakers. _"We're all in this together, on-"_

Luke found the song quite catchy, but Leia frowned - this wasn't very Jedi-like. None of the stories had told about anything like this. Was this a hoax? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the song is we're all in this together fron high school musical. It just seemed to fit to my weird brain 😁


	2. Video 500: Celebratory Pranking

For the duration of the song, the screen flicked between clips of different Jedi. One was a tall, bald Koruun with pink paint dripping over his shiny head. Another was a tall long-haired human who was grinning and shaking his head at something behind the camera. There was a Kel Dor with an antiox mask who was rocking a little Twi'lek girl. The clip was never of the same Jedi, and it really impressed on the twins just how big the Jedi Order had been. 

"Hello, and welcome back to Records of the Most Wise and Sagacious Jedi Council. I'm Jedi Master Kit Fisto for those of you who don't know me, and no, the rumour that I am allergic to my robes is totally a lie. Anyways this video is special, because we have reached five hundred!" A black-eyed Nautolan was grinning at them, and there was a twinkle in his eyes that Luke and Leia would have pegged for mischief. But he was a Jedi...surely not. "So, in celebration of that, we are going to iniate a," he leaned forwards until his face obscured the whole camera and stage-whispered, '' _prank war_." 

Luke and Leia gaped. A prank war...in the Jedi. It sounded totally implausible...but yet, Master Yoda's odd sense of humour and Ben's sarcasm couldn't have been standalone in such a large group of people surely.

The scene switched to a tall, dignified looking Togruta, with tall montals, who was with the Kel Dor they had just seen in the credits. Both Jedi were kneeling in a room full of toys and little children, all of whom were either running around squealing, or curled up on and around the adult pair. 

Behind them was a floating, bulging water balloon. It floated closer and closer, until one of the children shrieked and pointed at it. It burst in a spray of multi-coloured liquid, and everyone in the room got splattered with it. The camera shook to the sound of laughter, and the Togruta whirled towards it. "Kit Fisto! Really? A dye balloon?"

"Sorry Shaak. It was funny."

"Leave the younglings out of it Kit." The Kel Dor was...Luke and Leia blinked. He couldn't be...no, he was, using the Force to get the liquid out of the children's clothes. "If they get wet they could contract an illness!"

"Plo...no kid is going to get ill from a bit of coloured water. Honestly. I don't know how you even go into battle with the Wolfpack." 

Luke reached out and paused the video. "Wolfpack? Battle?" 

Unfortunately, Leia looked almost as confused. "I don't know. Most likely this takes places during the Clone Wars, but I've never heard of a Wolfpack. Maybe it was a commando unit? Fa- Bail used to talk about a Kel Doorian Jedi Master called Plo Koon though. Said for all his terrifying looks he was a big softie, practically adopted every child he saw. Or something like that. I've never heard of a Shaak or a Kit Fisto though."

Shrugging, Luke restarted it. 

Plo Koon hissed, and the camera jerked as Kit Fisto started laughing.

The scene switched again. 

This time a tall Kiffar with a gold stripe across the bridge of his nose was in front of the camera. ""Ki-Adi, is this on? Ki-Adi, come on mate, I haven't used shit like this for months, it's all been Seppie equipment. Oh...right. Uh, hi! I'm Quinlan Vos, Obes's best mate. I'm home for the week from Super-Duper-Top-Secret-Undercover-Shadow-Work so Ki-Adi-Mundi said I could help with this for R&R." 

He slipped away from the camera to show a giant primitive clock behind him, with cogs and gears and everything. "This is the main clock of the Jedi temple for you uneducated heathens who don't know about it. All the chronos are automatically set to mirror whatever time it shows. Whoever decided that was my new best friend."

The gears ground to halt, and Quinlan cackled. "See how easy it is for everyone to be on time when it's backwards." And indeed, the gears slowly started to move again - in the opposite direction to the one it was before. "Okay, let's get outta here."

The video sped up as the old clock wound backwards. It halted after five minutes as a shriek rang out. Then another. Soon, all that could be heard from the video was a cacophony of yells as various Jedi discovered that their chronos were, in fact, moving backwards. 

It was Leia who paused the video this time. She was blinking rapidly, seemingly in shock. "Leia?"

"Just give me moment to process." 

Eventually, she restarted it. 

The scene switched, and a pretty Mon Calamari came onscreen. "Hi, I'm Bant Eerin. Uh...normally I don't do this sort of thing, but uh, Quin promised me that he'd get me some Nubian Sapiir and I folded. Anyway, I got recruited because apparently I'm perfect for this and uh, Master Fisto is on creche duty with Masters Ti and Koon." She looked behind the camera. "If I get in trouble Vos, you can say goodbye to your cushy hospital bed after missions!" 

The camera jostled around a bit, and eventually became stationary facing downwards over a fountain.

Leia paused the video again. "That's the Room of a Thousand Fountains! Bail told me about that. Apparently it was this huge hall inside the Jedi temple, where there was so much greenery that it was like a jungle, and no one had ever counted the fountains there - someone once said it had to be at least two thousand. Apparently it was really famous in the Republic, and it was considered an honour to see it, because it was like the Jedi's sacred place in their temple." 

She continued the video as soon as she finished talking, leaving Luke rather baffled.

Bant shucked off her outer robe and, with a last death glare towards the camera, dived in. Nothing happened. She came back out and shook herself. "You owe me Vos." 

Shortly after she left, bright pink bubbles started to come up to the top. They increased in frequency, until the fountain was full of them. Then they started to spread. Within fifteen minutes, all the water visible in the camera's limited scope was covered with bright pink bubbles. 

Cackles came from behind the camera, and a Jedi opened their eyes. "Keep it down Vos, some of us are trying to me..di..tate.." Their voice trailed off. 

"Bubble bath in the fountains!" Yelled a voice, and before Luke and Leia could do more than blink, the fountain was full of squealing children. 

The scene switched. 

This time a serene looking human, Chalactan from what the twins could tell, with long intricately braided hair, was humming to herself as she mixed a bright green mixture. There was no explanation, only the camera following her as she put it into a bottle and shook it. Just as calmly, she then left, and wandered through the halls to what must certainly be a laundry. "Good day Y7-6GT. Would you put this in with Master Windu's robes for me?" The droid took the bottle and the woman left, smiling to herself. 

Once she was back in her earlier surroundings, she shed the serene mask, and a wicked grin graced her features as she faced the camera. "That particular washload should be dried just in time for the council meeting I think. Oddly enough, the dye is a strange thing that is time delayed. Master Windu won't know what hit his robes until it is too late."

"Master Windu!" Leia gasped. She seemed to be far more enthusiastic about this than Luke, who was content merely to watch and enjoy seeing Jedi in action.

"Shush Leia, I'm trying to watch."

"But, it's Master Windu." 

They started to bicker.

Unfortunately, by the time that they turned back to the video, it seemed that they had lost quite a bit of time. The camera was now seemingly hidden in a vent from the angle, which was actually remarkably good. The whole room could be seen, and what a room it was. The walls were made almost entirely of glass, and you could see a huge amount of what had to be Pre-Imperial Coruscant spread below. Inside the room proper was a circle of chairs, each filled with a different being. Some were obviously holograms, and Luke and Leia wondered why so many of these obviously important Jedi were away from the Temple. 

They didn't recognise many. One human had to be a young Obi-Wan Kenobi. A less broken Yoda sat directly in front of the camera. The Kel Dor and the Togruta from earlier were there, as was the Nautolan. 

"...while raising morale was also highly irresponsible! We are at war. This is no longer a time for silly, juvenile pranks." The Koruun from the start was apparently berating people. "Thankfully, the last of them seemed to have taken place, but I must urge you, as the Jedi High Council, to set an example and act like kriffing adu-" He was cut off by pretty much all of the others whooping. Apparently Mace Windu swearing was a rare occasion. 

The Master of the Order hid his face in his hands, totally unaware of his robes turning bright green around him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify, the videod are going to be all screwed up timeline wise, ranging over at least twenty years in no particular order. 
> 
> Sorry for how lame the pranks are.
> 
> If you want to see something in particular, tell me in a comment ☺


	3. Video 435: Obi's Promotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for SorciereMystique, who gave me the ideas used here.

The video ended, and the twins looked at each other. Neither moved for nearly five minutes.

Leia's eye twitched

Luke fidgeted

They both dived for the box, trying to grab one to put in the holoprojector. Leia won, having been closer to the projector in the first place. She slammed her chip in, and pressed play. 

The song that blared from the speakers was different this time. "It's been a long day, without you my friend. Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again." The Jedi shown were static images, each with a name captioning them. A Chalactan, a Nikto, a Vurk, and many more. All in all, well over a hundred Jedi.

A tall Cerean appeared as the song ended, standing in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. "The Clone Wars have begun. In the first skirmish, one hundred and seventy of our brothers and sisters in the Force were killed...more than have been killed at any one time since the last battle with the Sith." 

Luke and Leia gaped at each other. A hundred and seventy Jedi! That was more than they had ever imagined existing, yet clearly there were well over that in the Temple. A thousand? Ten thousand? They might never know. 

The Cerean continued. "Morale is very low, so we have decided to try and lighten the mood a little. This video should be being broadcast all over the Temple. If it isn't, Master Tholme should have taught his Padawan to slice better. Without any more ado, let us begin."

The scene switched, and a voiceover continued. "With the...opening of spaces on the council, we have had to appoint new members. One of these, is the ever-popular Sith Killer, Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, soon to be General of the Third Star System Army." A small man with long auburn hair and neat beard appeared on the screen, glaring daggers at whoever was behind the camera. 

The twins gaped at each other. Old Ben...much as they had respected and revered him, and even with the glimpse of him at the end of the last video...this was different. Obi-Wan was young, and unbowed, and even merry. Obviously down from the disastrous massacre, but there was a slight twinkle in his eye all the same that spoke of an undefeatable joy in life. Obi-Wan was very different to Old Ben. "Master Mundi...I am NOT cutting my hair. I told you, I refuse."

"Oh I'm not cutting it." Came the Cerean's voice. "Depa is."

"I have a bad feeling about this." Obi-Wan started slowly backing away. 

"TOO LATE!" The Chalactan woman from before pounced on him, accompanied by...Yoda? and...the Kel Dor from earlier. 

"Grandmaster? I thought you were supposed to be on my side." Yoda merely cackled and took the Human's hand, dragging him down the hall. 

"Need a haircut you do. Raise morale it will."

"You have been looking very unkempt lately Obi-Wan. You need to look after yourself." The Kel Dor rumbled, somehow giving off an air of paternal worry, even with his mask in place. 

Obi-Wan threw up his free hand in despair and allowed himself to be dragged off. 

This time the Chalactan appeared. "Hello, you all know me...or you should. I did spend hours in the creche. For those who have *gasp* forgotten me, my name is Depa Billaba. My role on the council is to get my master to lighten up. Anyway, I got to cut little Obi's hair, so...tada!" 

Behind her was a very disgruntled looking Obi-Wan, with his hair cut brutally short, except for a few locks at the front. "I hate you Depa." He grumbled, without much heat.

Depa waved an airy hand at him. "Whatever little Obi, I was a Padawan when you were born, your hate means nothing to me."

The Cerean was back. "Coincidentally, Obi-Wan is one of the most popular Jedi in the Temple. Such a dramatic change in his appearance is sure to cause waves. So, we have decided to interview some of our members, just to discover their reactions."

A blonde human woman appeared, with a rather unimpressed expression as she looked at the holo of a short haired Obi-Wan Kenobi. The name, Siri Tachi, floated in blocky Aurebesh across the screen. 

"Master Mundi, you forget, I grew up with Obi-Wan. There is nothing he can do to surprise me anymore. Honestly though, it is a marvel that Depa held him still long enough for his hair to be cut so neatly. I really must ask her her secret..."

She handed back the holo and strode off. 

The Calamari from before appeared, her huge eyes staring at the holo she had been handed. "You have got to be kidding me. Obi never lets _anyone_ but Siri cut his hair! Depa did quite a nice job though...although I still think the beard makes him look older than the rest of our clan." Bant handed the holo back to whoever was behind the camera. "It's a nice look on him, for a human."

Leia paused the video this time. "Clan?"

Luke shrugged. "I'm as lost as you are."

She pressed play. 

Now it was a Dressellian. **R** **eeft** , proclaimed the Aurebesh. He chuckled at the holo. "Now Obes looks more like me! Looks nice for a human." He wandered off, muttering something about lunch. 

**Apologies for missing out Garen Muln, but he is...unavailable, as is Anakin Skywalker. Probably fiddling with starships again, and we do not have the effort to drag them out. The Council takes no responsibility if the hangar gets blown up...again. Obi-Wan Kenobi is legally not allowed to take the blame either.**

The Aurebesh faded, leaving two rather confused twins. They looked at each other, and then decided to just let it go. 

The Kiffar, Quinlan Vos, appeared. He was cackling with unholy glee at the image of Obi-Wan's disgruntled face. "Obes is just annoyed I've got permanently longer hair than him now. I've gotta thank Depa, she made certain I'm gonna win now."

Now a pretty blue-skinned Twi'lek, maybe in her early twenties was staring at the holo. **Aayla Secura** the Aurebesh proclaimed. 

"I still don't understand hair. How can you cut it without causing pain? It looks nice though I suppose."

By now they recognised Depa, who was smiling in satisfaction at her handiwork. "It's one of my better haircuts I think. Although I used to practice on Master Windu in my Padawan days until he just shaved his head. I think that was after I had an accident with the colouring and dyed his hair bright pink? Honestly, I had no idea that him being Koruun would mean that though." Her smile dimmed, tears suddenly appearing in her eyes. "Sar...Sar was always better at such things than me." She rushed off, mutterring something about meditation. 

The scene switched around again, to most of the people from before (Depa and Aayla were missing) with the addition of a blond Human and a dark-haired one. They were huddled together, whispering furiously. "What are you lot doing?"

"Kit!" Exclaimed Quinlan. "Uh...nothing?"

The camera shook, as if it's holder had shrugged. "Okay then. But if it was something like say...pranking Obi-Wan. You'd let me join wouldn't you?" 

The still unnamed blond Human reached out a hand and dragged Master Fisto, and by extension the camera, into the huddle. 

When the scene focused again, Obi-Wan was slumped on a desk, flimsy and datapads scattered around him. Someone tsked and Force levitated him, carrying him to a militaristically neat bed. Various scurryings and scufflings could be heard, but the apparently exhausted Jedi heard nothing and did not stir. A hand gently patted his shorn hair as he was tucked in, and then withdrew, returning in a moment with a bottle. Whatever was in the bottle was then poured over the unconscious Obi-Wan's head. "Oy Feemor." Came a whisper. "You done in there?" 

"Yes I'm coming, I just need to set the camera up." 

There was a lot of jostling, but eventually it was placed on what seemed to be a coffee table from the angle, facing the apartment. Which seemed...rather off somehow. Maybe it was the lack of light. 

As time passed, the camera sped up, until a sleepy groan echoed from the bedroom. Obi-Wan came out, rubbing his hand through his spiky hair and yawning. Spiky _blue_ hair. He made his way to the kitchenette, and reached in the cupboard for a mug, filling it with some tea that he grabbed blindly. Apparently he knew where everything was that well. Leaving the tea to steep, he went and sat on the couch, grabbing some flimsy as he went. When he sat however, a giant fart echoed through the apartment. He sighed, standing up and fishing around in the cushions until he had what appeared to be a Whoopie cushion in his hand. It was summarily thrown out of the window, which was rather impressive considering that the window was only partially open. 

A few minutes later, he reached out and grabbed the tea, taking a large gulp before spluttering it everywhere. "What the...who put grandmaster Yoda's tea in there? I don't...ah. Feemor Stahl! I know this is your fault! I don't know what Quin's told you, but I am _not_ becoming a stuffy old fart just because I'm on the council."

The scene switched to the blond Human, apparently named Feemor, who was making tea. In one hand, he held a packet labelled

_Grandmaster Yoda's tea_

_NOT FIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION_

and in the other hand, one labelled 

_Noorian Sapiir_

The Noorian Sapiir went in the teapot, and when it was steeped he poured one cup. In the other he poured mud that had apparently been boiling in a pot. Carrying them carefully out, he set the one with mud before none other than Yoda himself. "Here Grandmaster."

The green troll cackled, taking a noisy slurp. "Mmm very good this is, great grandpadawan. Better than the other, much better."

Luke and Leia looked at each other in consternation. What was a padawan?

Feemor stifled a smile behind his cup. "I am glad you think so great grandmaster."

Now the Nautolan (Kit Fisto?) was back. He was sitting in the council room beside the Kiffar, both sitting in the chair was though they were on a talk show. "Thank you for coming here tonight Mr Vos. Now, the question everyone has been dying to ask, the most important question, one some Jedi have very nearly dedicated their lives to answering, _why does Aayla Secura only have one sleeve_? As her former master, would you know?"

"Thanks Kit. Uh, well. Basically when she was a little kid, Aayla just sorta tripped and fell all the time. She'd only ever graze this one elbow though, so she'd be going around perfectly neat, but with bloodstained holes on one elbow. So her crechmaster just cut off the sleeve and kept gauze wrapped around the elbow. When I took Aayla as my Padawan, I ended up doing the same."

As he spoke, images of what must have been Aayla as a child appeared. And sure enough, in every single one, she had a hole on one elbow or one sleeve and gauze wrapped around one elbow. 

Luke and Leia didn't even have to communicate verbally. Jedi were _weird_. 

The door opened, and in came Master Windu. He took one look at the pair and groaned. "If I sit down will I find anything untoward happening?"

When the two shook their heads he sat down as the rest of the Council filed in.

A Tholothian woman folded her arms and stared impassively down at Quinlan. "Vos...you're in my seat." 

He grinned up at her, opening his mouth before she held up one finger. "If you make one innuendo I will throw you out the window."

The Kiffar shut his mouth and stood up. She smiled and sat down, raising an eye brow out him. "What? Shoo."

Master Windu put his head in his hands again as Yoda cackled, gripping his cup of boiled mud. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always forget when people die, so all of Obi-Wan's...clan? is that the word? are alive until it isn't convenient for the story any more ☺
> 
> Sar Labooda was Depa Billaba's sister according to Wookiepedia. Why they have different first names, I am sure I don't know. Maybe their parents were divorced between them? Who knows. Maybe it's a Chalactan custom to divide surnames between the parents. They could make up surnames. Whatever the reason, I stand by my belief that Sar and Depa were very close and loved each other a lot and Depa was Very Depressed when her sister died on Geonosis.


End file.
